This is a recurring question in my conversations with God as of late. This familiar conversation ("I feel like everything's falling apart." "What if it's actually falling into place?" "Well, maybe I'd rather have it actually fall apart so I'd feel better.") has taken place multiple times over the last month or so. It's a very small picture of the circular pattern of thought that's been hamster-wheeling through my head about God's perspective and free will versus predestination.
When I was (much) younger, I spent a good deal of time on a message board community based on the audio series Adventures in Odyssey. My favorite board was the debate board (which really shouldn't surprise anybody that knew me between the ages of let's say 11-17 or so). I distinctly remember the topic of predestination coming up a handful of times and a few of them got particularly ugly. I've been fascinated with the tension of this discussion ever since. Not because I want to explain it, but because the very nature of its inexplicability speaks something very special to me about the sovereignty and mystery of God.
For another (seemingly unrelated) piece of the puzzle, I go through seasons where I have a passion to wrestle in prayer. Unfortunately (or not?), my heart is usually not in praying for the nations or the lost (yet), but for the people in my life and their life situations (as well as my own). Last night, as I was writing a list of the things that are currently on my heart, I started to muse on the idea of wrestling in prayer. I know two seemingly contradictory facts: (1) God is sovereign and all-powerful; (2) He invites us to participate with Him in prayer.
Now, how can our prayers change anything when God has all the power to do whatever He wants and knows exactly what's going to happen? His plan can't depend on the participation of people with free will because then He would cease to be all powerful, given that the plan would fall apart if the free will of the people didn't line up with His (sin?). I can feel my brain getting dizzy even as I start this spiral of thought.
In any event, however it works, whatever the reason, I do believe that God hears our prayers and that persistent prayer can change things. How? I don't know. Maybe because God "foreknew" that a particular person was going to pray for a particular thing and accounted for it in His plan. But what if that person decided not to pray that thing for whatever reason that day? Would it change God's plan? No, because God would know the person wasn't going to pray it. This, again, is where my brain starts hurting and I fall back into blissful dependence on worshiping a God surrounded by "clouds and thick darkness" (Psalm 97:2).
What does this have to do with my dialogue with God (or a zipper!)? I feel like things are falling apart. But my sovereign, mysterious God knows exactly what's happening. He can see from the beginning of my life clear through to the end and knows with complete clarity and infinite wisdom what pieces are falling where and how close (or far) they are to (or from) where they are supposed to be. What if when I felt most like everything was falling into place it really was the furthest from where it was supposed to be? What if when things feel least peaceful or most tumultuous they're actually much closer to where they are supposed to be? (I'm not trying to say at all that this is a standard for all situations or all individuals, though there is a prevailing truth that God is closest to the broken and weak, so maybe I'm not as far off as I think I might be.)
God hardened Pharaoh's heart (Exodus 10:1, which is remarkable to me because God even gave Moses a reason why He was doing something that seemed a lot more like "falling part" than "coming together"). God gave Daniel favor in the eyes of his superiors (Daniel 1:9). God can change the hearts of people. What God wants done, He will make happen. Does that mean I believe that every person that doesn't do what I think they should has had their heart hardened by God? No. Not at all. Does it mean that I think every time I have favor with someone God has divinely and miraculously moved? No. That leans a little too much towards the God is to us as we are to Sims argument for my taste. But I do very much like the idea that God has the power to change people's hearts and will exert that power if necessary. It makes it much easier for me to believe that I'm actually in the middle of a plan that is going somewhere, rather than a forgotten afterthought.
So what about the zipper? What is a zipper, exactly? Two separate pieces of fabric that have to be precisely lined up (have you ever tried to sew a zipper onto clothes?), shaped properly, and brought together by a third piece. (See where I'm going with this?) While I was praying earlier (yes, that "falling apart" dialogue may have been the origin of this line of thought), I saw a picture of a zipper... working like a zipper should: bringing things together. What if things are actually coming together? What if I'm one of those pieces of fabric--precisely lined up and shaped properly--in the process of being brought into place by a third piece? What if the feeling of everything falling apart is the very real feeling of being stretched and pulled apart from whatever's on the other side of the fabric?
