For a while, the advice I received most regarding being single (and, often, leading a worship team) was, "I've found that it wasn't until I stopped wanting something that I got it." Now, well meaning as this advice is, it puts the potential follower (meaning, of course, me) in quite the conundrum. If I want it, then I won't get it. So the logical conclusion is to stop wanting it. But if I intentionally stop wanting something simply to get it, don't I still want it? And outside of the unfortunate damned-if-I-do-damned-if-I-don't repercussions of this advice, it never quite sat right with me as far as my loving, faithful, promise-fulfilling God goes. Why would a God that loves me and knows what's best for me always only give me what I don't want? The problem I have with this advice, as I will explain later, is mostly in the phrasing, not the concept.
The most recent thing married couples (specifically married women with young kids) have repeated to me has been: "Enjoy being single while it lasts." No matter what season of life you're in, hearing this, again, well-meant advice is not something you want to hear if you are at all dissatisfied with said season.
When I've expressed this annoyance to other married couples (who would say no such thing), most have tried to sway my thinking by delineating all the downsides of married life or child rearing. In my current life season and state of mind this is quite unhelpful. To an outsider who so desperately wants to be in, even the worst looks golden.
But there is no golden season.
There is no season of life where everything finally feels like it all fits. (Which, if you think about it, is kind of blessing in disguise. If there were such a season, life would pretty much suck once that season was over and you still had to keep on living.) For me personally, I feel like my hypothetical "golden" season is when I have my first baby (probably when the baby's around 6 months old or so). But I'm sure when I get there, I'll miss getting 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep or deciding I don't want to cook dinner and eating carrots instead or being (at least somewhat) guaranteed a block of undisturbed time with my husband.
But even that "golden" season won't be golden if I don't learn to make this season a golden season. Living every season the way I am inclined means even my hypothetical golden season would be almost entirely missed by wishing for when my first kid can walk or use the toilet or dress herself or, on the other end, looking forward to my second kid and having a baby again. (This is all beginning to sound a little like Click to me.)
Instead of there being no golden season, what if every season is a golden season?
See, the heart of the first piece of advice is contentment. But getting what you want isn't the reward for contentment. Contentment is the reward for contentment. Once you truly get to that place where you are content (cynically put in the previous advice as "not wanting it anymore"), whether you get it or not doesn't matter. Because you are content.
So, what is the lesson in this?
For single people, learn to make every season a golden season.
For married people, perhaps this is the advice best offered to single people (or anyone for that matter):
Enjoy the season God has you in
because if you spend your life
running ahead of Him,
even if you get what you think you want
you will never enjoy it.
